Thursday, December 18, 2008

What's brown and sticky?...

A Stick! Moving on...

Aaron: "Why do people pick their nose?"
New Guy (Me): "Because they have a booger?"
Aaron: "No, because they are too lazy to get a kleenex."

I am the New Guy at Schipul and Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen is the one and only Aaron Long. I am proud to say I am his trusted sales side-kick. If he had a motorcycle, I truly believe there would be a side-car buggy with "Pemberton" written on the side...dawning flames of course. We would have to arrive in style to client calls...which is what we did when Aaron had a rent-a-car that was the size of the go-carts at the local state fair. Hey, but who doesn't love those right?

The recently stated conversation took place during a graphics job description meeting. Aaron, frantically scribbling on his dry erase board, using his go-go gadget arms to answer e-mails, finalize a sell, and finish all his Christmas shopping while sipping a Coca-Cola he enthusiastically explained to me how the ease of use changes behavior. Which some how led into finding "donner party" in The following scene took place...

Aaron: "Oh wow, one of the top words for catering party is donner party (muffled laugh ensues)
New Guy (Me): [laughing at Aaron's laugh] "What is the donner party?"
Aaron: "You haven't heard of the donner party!? (click, click, click, google search, click)
New Guy (Me): [anxiously awaiting, because it must be something spectacular]
Aaron: Ok here it is (click). [frantically clicks out of site] Ummmm...

It turns out that if you Google "donner party" it will not take you to a site where it explains the treacherous tale of the men that got lost on their trek across the country which led them to cannibalism. All I am going to say is it dealt with nudity and food...lots of nudity and food. Don't try this at home kids.

While I have many more interesting stories about @longstation and @cpembyrun misadventures (I know many will appreciate my Twitter reference uhthankyou), I am instructed to discuss all aspects of being the New Guy at Schipul.

Hickory, dickory dock, I live in the Snuggery. Ok that didn't rhythm, but the Snuggery deserves a poem because well, it's just one of those words that needs to be in a poem I guess. The Snuggery consists of the graphics team and the sales team; we are all in close quarters and I feel that because of this, I could possibly make one of these Schipulites, Snuggery edition, my emergency contact one day.

1. I will start off with Jerr-Bear: she is like the secret ingredient to the sales team...or to your grandmother's homemade chocolate chip cookies that makes you think, "man, these taste just like heaven." She also brought on the plague which is a whole other can of worms. She teaches me a lot a plus she laughs at my idiotic jokes...maybe out of pity, and in that case, AWESOME! At least someone is laughing.

2. DStaag, master dj of the Snuggery. I don't always agree with his music selection and quite frankly I am collecting various objects to throw over the cubby wall when he gets delirious and plays Celine Deon. I say that whoever invented headphones...I am forever in your debt. Oh and Staag does graphics and can sport a mean looking tie.

3. Oh Brandi, I am foreshadowing a Starbucks chain will happen, just wait. Seriously she should own a Starbucks, because that is just how dedicated she is to coffee. She is also in graphics and witnessed my inner 6-year old come out when Houston had the big snow of 08'...followed the very next day by the most humid day in Houston [08'].

4. Lyndia is also in graphics but I saw her for a day and then she left for Singapore. I felt a connection between me and her on that first day so I am crossing my fingers for a souvenir.

I assume it is time to talk about what I have learned so far upon my recent venture into New Guy status at Schipul:

1. Grocery runs are often times large. Go to the man that greets you in the parking garage every morning because he will be more than happy to lend you his dolly.

2. I absolutely love the Dallas Cowboys. 98% of the office does not. I have experienced tremendous backlash from this and I say bring it on! I would like to give a shout-out to Jonti and Jerri...fellow Cowboy lovers and friends.

3. If you have questions about your insurance, go talk to Maggie and she will set you up with Mark (our studley insurance guy). Even if you don't have questions, make some up because it is worth it...ladies.

4. Social Media makes the Earth go-round. Seriously, people don't even know.

5. is your friend. Say it with me now, is your friend

6. If I have any discrepancies dealing with the fate of Harry Potter movie release dates or most importantly, Programming, Jennifer Brooks is the go-to woman.

7. Reading blogs about thong-hoodies ( is really ok. In fact, it is encouraged.

8. Eloy and Glen live in a cave. Go visit because you might possibly get serenaded AND learn about programming!

9. My personality type is ENFP.

I guess I need a #10 now, but if I went to number 10 with this big profound statement to end my list, in the back of head I would just be thinking about how I have learned way more than just 10 things; leading to over a 100 at least, and then we would really have a problem. Poor Jerri, I bet you are beginning to regret your decision of requesting a New Guy blog from me. I tend to ramble. And in the words of the great Ed Schipul, "Courtney, we desperately need to work on your conversation skills." Gosh I love this place :]


Brandi said...

That is pretty much amazing. So far, you have had an awesome new guy experience. Congrats!

Jerri said...

I'm so glad you are on the sales team mostly because you can entertain me throughout the day!

A.Hughes said...

This was great!!

makes we wish i had posted a blog on here when i was a new guy..

Thanks for showing love to "The Shire" too..... :(

Ed said...

thongs? donner parties? GET TO WORK PEOPLE!

darbyDarnit said...

I don't understand why the President and Congress haven't turned over the auto crisis decisions to Schipul to solve. You have mastered many of the world's great questions with ease and agility. Boogers, turducken, nudity and cannibalism.

It's like a think tank for the working man merged with a comedy club and technology incubator. Keep up the good work.