Thursday, December 18, 2008

What's brown and sticky?...

A Stick! Moving on...

Aaron: "Why do people pick their nose?"
New Guy (Me): "Because they have a booger?"
Aaron: "No, because they are too lazy to get a kleenex."

I am the New Guy at Schipul and Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen is the one and only Aaron Long. I am proud to say I am his trusted sales side-kick. If he had a motorcycle, I truly believe there would be a side-car buggy with "Pemberton" written on the side...dawning flames of course. We would have to arrive in style to client calls...which is what we did when Aaron had a rent-a-car that was the size of the go-carts at the local state fair. Hey, but who doesn't love those right?

The recently stated conversation took place during a graphics job description meeting. Aaron, frantically scribbling on his dry erase board, using his go-go gadget arms to answer e-mails, finalize a sell, and finish all his Christmas shopping while sipping a Coca-Cola he enthusiastically explained to me how the ease of use changes behavior. Which some how led into finding "donner party" in The following scene took place...

Aaron: "Oh wow, one of the top words for catering party is donner party (muffled laugh ensues)
New Guy (Me): [laughing at Aaron's laugh] "What is the donner party?"
Aaron: "You haven't heard of the donner party!? (click, click, click, google search, click)
New Guy (Me): [anxiously awaiting, because it must be something spectacular]
Aaron: Ok here it is (click). [frantically clicks out of site] Ummmm...

It turns out that if you Google "donner party" it will not take you to a site where it explains the treacherous tale of the men that got lost on their trek across the country which led them to cannibalism. All I am going to say is it dealt with nudity and food...lots of nudity and food. Don't try this at home kids.

While I have many more interesting stories about @longstation and @cpembyrun misadventures (I know many will appreciate my Twitter reference uhthankyou), I am instructed to discuss all aspects of being the New Guy at Schipul.

Hickory, dickory dock, I live in the Snuggery. Ok that didn't rhythm, but the Snuggery deserves a poem because well, it's just one of those words that needs to be in a poem I guess. The Snuggery consists of the graphics team and the sales team; we are all in close quarters and I feel that because of this, I could possibly make one of these Schipulites, Snuggery edition, my emergency contact one day.

1. I will start off with Jerr-Bear: she is like the secret ingredient to the sales team...or to your grandmother's homemade chocolate chip cookies that makes you think, "man, these taste just like heaven." She also brought on the plague which is a whole other can of worms. She teaches me a lot a plus she laughs at my idiotic jokes...maybe out of pity, and in that case, AWESOME! At least someone is laughing.

2. DStaag, master dj of the Snuggery. I don't always agree with his music selection and quite frankly I am collecting various objects to throw over the cubby wall when he gets delirious and plays Celine Deon. I say that whoever invented headphones...I am forever in your debt. Oh and Staag does graphics and can sport a mean looking tie.

3. Oh Brandi, I am foreshadowing a Starbucks chain will happen, just wait. Seriously she should own a Starbucks, because that is just how dedicated she is to coffee. She is also in graphics and witnessed my inner 6-year old come out when Houston had the big snow of 08'...followed the very next day by the most humid day in Houston [08'].

4. Lyndia is also in graphics but I saw her for a day and then she left for Singapore. I felt a connection between me and her on that first day so I am crossing my fingers for a souvenir.

I assume it is time to talk about what I have learned so far upon my recent venture into New Guy status at Schipul:

1. Grocery runs are often times large. Go to the man that greets you in the parking garage every morning because he will be more than happy to lend you his dolly.

2. I absolutely love the Dallas Cowboys. 98% of the office does not. I have experienced tremendous backlash from this and I say bring it on! I would like to give a shout-out to Jonti and Jerri...fellow Cowboy lovers and friends.

3. If you have questions about your insurance, go talk to Maggie and she will set you up with Mark (our studley insurance guy). Even if you don't have questions, make some up because it is worth it...ladies.

4. Social Media makes the Earth go-round. Seriously, people don't even know.

5. is your friend. Say it with me now, is your friend

6. If I have any discrepancies dealing with the fate of Harry Potter movie release dates or most importantly, Programming, Jennifer Brooks is the go-to woman.

7. Reading blogs about thong-hoodies ( is really ok. In fact, it is encouraged.

8. Eloy and Glen live in a cave. Go visit because you might possibly get serenaded AND learn about programming!

9. My personality type is ENFP.

I guess I need a #10 now, but if I went to number 10 with this big profound statement to end my list, in the back of head I would just be thinking about how I have learned way more than just 10 things; leading to over a 100 at least, and then we would really have a problem. Poor Jerri, I bet you are beginning to regret your decision of requesting a New Guy blog from me. I tend to ramble. And in the words of the great Ed Schipul, "Courtney, we desperately need to work on your conversation skills." Gosh I love this place :]

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

a new day has come

well well well, it's the first of the year and after three weeks i'm finally posting on the new guy blog. i only got four hours of sleep last night so i'll make this short and sweet. below are the 10 things i've learned since starting at schipul:

the dairy ashford exit sign exists... kinda: just look for the big black preferred bank building and you're golden.

never miss your exit on i-10: or you'll be making 40-minute u-turns. i had two of these on my first two days of work.

don't get sick on the day before your first day of work: unless you want to be the new guy who goes home early on their first day. i went home on my second, so i'm good.

the ez tag is almost a life saver: it really only saves me 5 minutes and 50 cents a day.

lock or die: vote what? vote who? just lock your computer or die. this goes for you, too, paris hilton. you don't want another sidekick incident, do you?

the 24 hour system lies to you: a good night's sleep, getting ready for work, commuting to work, the actual work part of work, commuting from work and washing up after work -- after all of this, all you really have is 3 hours to yourself... and that's not counting regular errands and cleaning up that you may have to do. three hours aren't even enough to sit down and watch a third of the lord of the rings trilogy... the extended version, anyway. the theatrical version simply will not do.

when you hear random laughter coming from different directions, you better check your inbox. quickly: or you’ll miss out on the inter-office jokes.

coffee and alcohol are the foods of the gods: or the people at schipul, anyway. mess this up and you might as well turn in your two-weeks notice now. (twinning's irish breakfast tea for kerry)

who needs legs when you have a phone line: instead of walking a yard or two to talk to somebody, dial their extension and talk to them on the phone. very good if you like to wear cute but painful shoes. better yet, shoot them an e-mail.

being the new guy isn’t so bad: ...unless i’m doing it wrong. I really only clean up, do the grocery shopping and whatever else ed needs me to do. anyway, ed is the only person who’ll ever call you “new guy” (other than rob). just remember that long after you’re no longer the new guy, ed is still going to be the old guy... with the billowy wizard shirt.

end transmission.

Monday, November 12, 2007


Never call Aaron a Turducken!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Pumpkin Carving at the Zoo

Today Aaron, Emmy, Kim and I got to carve pumpkins at the Zoo. Kim, Emmy and I have mad pumpkin carving skills. Aaron, God bless him, we'll...he tried.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Don't forget to buy the wine

So today we celebrated Kerry's birthday at happy hour. Someone, and I'm not going to name names, didn't buy wine this week.

Someone and I'm not going to name names, but he's the CEO, sent laser beams out of his eyes at me because we ran out of wine. Oops.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Green Tea or Die

As new guys it is our responsibility to do the grocery shopping for the whole office. We must pay careful attention the wants and needs of our coworkers and specifically the head honchos.

Apparently, it is possible to be demoted here if you forgot one of these important must haves:

Whatever you do make sure we never run out of Green Tea. Rob and I learned this lesson the hard way. I hid behind my computer.